Governmentium
I've been trying to get my crud together in order to pull my last set of permits...Sometimes this process can be more frustrating than doing the actual work...So when I got an email from a friend about "Governmentium," I could relate...I also thought I should share with others who have to wade through the morass (incase you have not already seen it). Lest anyone think I'm pounding my local government people, you would be mistaken...The people I have been dealing with have been GREAT.....
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, gving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reacton with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantitiy in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, gving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reacton with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantitiy in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
posted by Patrick at 10:25 AM
2 Comments:
Love it! Love it! Love it! Very clever. Like you, I haven't had a lot of problems my local Governmentium but I've heard enough stories to be nervous when ever I'm around the stuff.
Hey, I work for the government, and I can confirm the existence of the stuff.
Post a Comment
<< Home