Love and Hate. But Mostly Love
I recently posted this on another site, but since this is my blog and I’m trying to chronicle the highs and lows of our rehabilitation process, I thought I’d re-post this here…you know, for honesty sake. But for the record, I’m feeling much better about our situation today….really. No, I mean it. I really feel better. Truly…..
File this one under pissin' & moanin':
We just passed our 5 year mark (after 8 years on a previous restoration) on the ol' ball and chain. The outside is almost complete (sans landscaping), but the inside is gutted downstairs and we have miles to go before we sleep...comfortably upstairs.
I'm tired. I don't like my house right now. I want my friends back. I want my wife back . I want to go flyfishing again. I want to know what it is like to not spend every penny on the house. I want a vacation. I want to know it will be worth it. I want to entertain and have people over. I want to know what it feels like to "not have anything to do." I want to go to work on a Monday and not have paint on my person. I want to have clothes that don't have some reminder of the house on them. I want people to ask me other things besides "how's the house coming?"
I want to know who these three little children are running around the gutted spot that used to be our kitchen...and for god's sake who took my small babies that we had when we first moved into this place? I want to go to their soccer games and not look like a poor/ragged/homeless person (because I wear my work clothes all weekend). I want to remember what it felt like to get up on a weekend and take a shower (rather than saying "why bother, your going to be filthy within an hour") and stay clean all day. Most of all, I want to remember what it was like not to have crusty boogies all the time.
File this one under pissin' & moanin':
We just passed our 5 year mark (after 8 years on a previous restoration) on the ol' ball and chain. The outside is almost complete (sans landscaping), but the inside is gutted downstairs and we have miles to go before we sleep...comfortably upstairs.
I'm tired. I don't like my house right now. I want my friends back. I want my wife back . I want to go flyfishing again. I want to know what it is like to not spend every penny on the house. I want a vacation. I want to know it will be worth it. I want to entertain and have people over. I want to know what it feels like to "not have anything to do." I want to go to work on a Monday and not have paint on my person. I want to have clothes that don't have some reminder of the house on them. I want people to ask me other things besides "how's the house coming?"
I want to know who these three little children are running around the gutted spot that used to be our kitchen...and for god's sake who took my small babies that we had when we first moved into this place? I want to go to their soccer games and not look like a poor/ragged/homeless person (because I wear my work clothes all weekend). I want to remember what it felt like to get up on a weekend and take a shower (rather than saying "why bother, your going to be filthy within an hour") and stay clean all day. Most of all, I want to remember what it was like not to have crusty boogies all the time.
posted by Patrick at 1:48 PM
3 Comments:
what a perfect way to put it!
i look at our 5 year old and wonder when she got so tall... and our "baby" is two tomorrow... can't believe that's happening!!!
I've a feeling this is a very common feeling. I'm there right now and the next big step is on hold until the spring when I will have saved a tidy chunk of change and the weather gets warmer. So, I'm making the best of it and continually repeat "this won't last forever, this won't last forever".
the shower comment especially made me laugh. Me- I'd just like to be able to not be tired on Monday for once!
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